wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
