my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize