haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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