filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
