had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
