Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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