My room smells like vodka and shame
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
