The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
