Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
