So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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