i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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