Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
