I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
