i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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