went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
