You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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