Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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