don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
