I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
