so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize