why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
