If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
