just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
