I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
