Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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