Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
