There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
