i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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