I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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