oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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