When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
