This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
