Need sex. Gaining weight.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
