I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
