its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's blow job season.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You were trust falling into bushes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
