hotel room ftw
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
