How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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