is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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