My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
