i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
