So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
