she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
