the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize