I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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