Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
