dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
