the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize