Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
