Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Girls should come with a carfax report
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
