god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Pappa wants mamma naked
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
