Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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