My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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