Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
