Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
