meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the day after is always just damage control
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
