I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
