Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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