i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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