I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
