Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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