so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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