he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
