The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
