Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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